Logan:“I believe that this reaction of discomfort comes from generations of the same norms and now that someone is actually breaking them it makes it hard to change.”

Josh: “I agree that change can be very difficult and uncomfortable, but that doesn’t mean it can just stop. The United States is a country built on social change and progress. Without this, we can’t truly become the free nation we strive to be. This is the point I am trying to make in my essay.” 

Logan:“[I] wouldn’t call it baggage just because it seems offensive.”

Josh:“I agree that the term baggage may sound offensive, but I think that is the point I am trying to make. In this part of my paper I am proposing the views of the counterargument and trying to dismantle them. Many people might hold the view that people expressing themselves in different ways that don’t correspond with their own personal views is the ‘baggage’ of freedom of expression. The point of my paper is to try to convince people to move past these views.” 

Logan:“[I would] add something at the end [of the Chabon paragraph] to transition into feminism.”

Josh: “I considered this but it is difficult to include feminism when that topic appears nowhere in Chabon’s essay. I believe that the current transition is fine, but I feel like it would be better if I drew in another source. I just don’t know which.” 

Logan: “Good essay, all of the thoughts connect to the thesis and they are supported with the right quotes, conclusion wraps it all up.”

Josh: “Thank you. I feel that my paper really works to drive home my thesis but that the overall flow could use improvement.”